Self Reorientation

When the Government of Malaysia enforced Movement Control Order (MCO) — a semi shutdown of the whole public and private sectors on March 18, nobody knows what to do and what to expect. For almost a month I sat at home anxiously looking at my phones and email whether my supervisor instructed me to do something. It goes on without saying it was an anxiety feeding exercises. Documents and papers pushed late into nights, weekends and stakeholders demand inputs with tight deadlines. Missed email, inactivity from other colleagues, and mis-prioritization and just general communication via medium that doesn’t suit the circumstances. It was really draining and I reached my limit.

For my mental health I don’t respond to anything later than 11 pm if it’s not important, or if it can wait tomorrow. You’ll be surprised how some people lacked the sense of urgency and importance.

Credit: https://twitter.com/daphnedi_/status/1256538828203941888?s=19

To be honest, I think my learning curve has plateaued at the moment and these anxious-filling days pushed me to consider leaving my position for something else (Luckily my government scheme does allow that, with supervisor’s approval and due process). I consulted my supervisor and of course she would ask me to stay considering she’s new in the Ministry and she’s retiring next year.

I made my case. I think it’s worth a shot.

But this state of calamity and Ramadhan bring another blessing in disguise. I fill the gaps, the misery and the anxiety push me to the avenue I once frequented for safe harbor.

We always thought when our life is going well it’s what we needed. The truth is no man and woman is made of one aspect. I feel like there is the material/physical self and its needs then emotional/intellectual self and its needs then one, that is always neglected moral/spiritual self and its needs.

I was on a content mode for a very long time and distant myself from the spiritual needs due to it often contradicts the needs of my material/physical and emotional/intellectual needs — or at least that’s the excuse.

I am glad with Ramadhan, and it’s really what keeping me going at the moment.