Don’t tie your whole personality to your job
I received that advise many times now but I do not know what or who should I replace it with. Growing up, being a scientist was my life goal. I was driven and passionate because of it. I have loved reading as long as I could remember and when blogging became a trend circa 2008–2009, right after I left my secondary school, I have loved reading and writing even more. A scientist who reads and writes, that is good right?
Unfortunately I am not a scientist anymore. And reading and writing are not the only thing I like. I like travelling, I like coffees, I like watching movies and TV series (more than I should), I like gadgets and tech stuff, I like to have a small family one day – and to enable me to afford those things I like, I need a job. This is where my dilemma comes in.
My job since this past few years, have been very demanding and draining that I barely have time for myself, let alone doing the things that I like. It might be the dissatisfaction talking, but I feel like I am not doing that impact that working in civil service should. It is not that I have never been happy in my job, I did for a period of time where I think my job matters. I thoroughly enjoyed my work – and my life outside of work.
Nowadays I seem to feel heavily burdened by my work and going to work every morning is a struggle for me. My commutes have been episodes of silent battles I have with myself but I am training myself, tirelessly, to rewire my brain to think gratefully and graciously.
Sometimes I wanted to do my work in my personal time, but I caught myself doing it and thought to myself why am I doing this? Shouldn’t I give myself a break, and self-care? Work or rightfully, the sense of duty, has been central to my life to a point that I think I am letting myself to be exploited.
I keep asking myself, am I putting my life of pause due to work – or, even worse, am I actually making my work as an excuse so I can put what I deem as sub-par life on pause?
I am sorry, me. I don’t have an answer for it yet.
Should you tie your personality to your life goal?
One has asked me, what is my life goal? I was stumped. That is the most basic question I would’ve answered right away when I was younger but I barely can make up any answers now.
Indeed, what is my life goal? My life goals previously were very tied in to my profession (i.e. scientist) and years of building my identity around it make me hard on myself.
I don’t have an answer for all these questions right now but I thought it is crucial for me to find it as now I am already in my thirties. I kind of skipped my “figuring myself out” phase in my twenties and I guess I have to do it now.